Survivor's Guilt
by iAMwhatIamK
Summary: "He came to me with a promise, a light in the darkness. I had been chosen to save humanity. If I aided him, he'd return her to me. An empty promise...a fool's choice. What I wouldn't give for just another moment with her..." Sister fic, pre-game events


**I'm so thankful that I'm able to post this story today. I was literally in tears last night over the fact that Noctis (my dear laptop) is having hard drive issues and refusing to work at times (praying its a loose drive and have learn my lesson about not backing up important computer things).**

**Anyway, here it is, the unofficial sequel to Seraph's Tears. Please don't read this unless you've finished FFXIII-2, in that it contains spoilers to the ending. Also, I'm writing this pre-release of Lightning Returns, so if it doesn't fit canon, that's why.**

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**Survivor's Guilt**

_Silence covered the land, the dim promise of daybreak threatening the horizon. The ruined stone pavilion stood as a testament to a time long ago forgotten. Towering above the ruins, a stone throne rose towards the sky, a crystalized female figure gracing it, her weapon resting peacefully across her lap._

_A sound like cracking ice breaks the silence, the figure's exterior fracturing slowly. Breaks like lightning strikes spread across her body, white light gradually breaking through the gaps in her exterior. Her shell shatters, the former warrior of the goddess emerging from her cocoon._

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Eyes fluttering open, I look at a land locked forever in my memory. Valhalla, the world at the end of time. So many battles were fought here, all of them no longer holding any meaning. Nothing means anything anymore…nothing except for her.

He promised me; he promised if I helped him, he'd try to get her back for me. All I have to do is surrender to his will, do his bidding, and Serah will come back.

I wave my hand through the air in front of me and a crystalized staircase forms in the cold morning air. Taking a step down, the area comes alive with refracted crystal light. With every step I take, the steps shatter behind me, their crystal-like pieces enveloping my body, tearing apart my old armor while fragments settle on my skin and turn into my new garb, an outfit constructed of armor and fabrics of white, red, and black.

As the finishing touches are added to my garb, the fragments begin to fall on my blade, refashioning it under a silk screen of light. More fragments gather on my left arm, hugging it in places, building up mass in a smooth shape. Colors and metal form out of the light as the sword and shield near the end of their forging. As I take the final step onto the pavilion, the fragments scatter, leaving me alone in the stillness of the morning.

I admire my new weapons; both feel so comfortable in my hands, like extensions of myself. I test them, getting accustomed to their weight. According to him, I'll have a lot of fighting to do before my task is done.

Above me, stars glimmer in the night, their bodies beginning to fade away. I look off towards the horizon, where in the distance, a magnificent city sleeps, its lights beckoning lost souls to it like flies to a flame. How many people live in this world now? How many men and women are waking at this moment to face another day, knowing these are the last days of their lives? How many children are curled up, dreaming of futures that will never be?

I swing my sword at one of the nearby pillars, the blade easily cutting through the deteriorated stone, and watch as the structure crumbles under its own weight. My lungs take in huge breaths of air as pain stabs at my heart. I bite my lips in efort to stop the emotions, but tears still run down my face. My body begins to quake and I fall to the ground, sobbing.

Why did they have to pick me?! Why am I the one that has to put up with their grand schemes, have hell and havoc wreaked on my life, while others escape perfectly unscathed? What did I ever do to deserve this!?

I whisper curses, their names like poison in my mouth. It was Etro that started this whole thing, allowing Vanille and Fang to enter crystal stasis before their focus was complete. Anima then cursed my sister, cursed us, sentencing us all to a fate worse than death. And once peace was granted to us, Etro awoke us only to drag me into another war. She cursed Serah with the gift of sight when I admitted I couldn't save the world on my own, and then took her from me after I'd faithfully fought in her stead. And now Bhunivelze was expecting me to do just that; save the world.

The fate of the living rested on one who wished she had died a long time ago.

I hated them for destroying my life, for sentencing me to play in this sick game of fate that only the gods benefitted from. But no matter what I did, no matter how much I hated them, guilt riddled my heart.

I hadn't been strong enough to keep her safe. That was truth. Had I been stronger, had I been there for her like sisters are supposed to be, had I told her I loved her and acted on my words more often, things might have been different. She might still be in my arms now rather than a fading memory I was trying in vain to hold on to.

I pulled my knees to my chest, my body shaking from cold and sobs. He said that if I aided him in saving humanity, he might be able to bring her back to me. That's what my hope was riding on: an empty promise. But it was all I had.

Five hundred years is a long time to be alone, a long time to look back on the mistakes you made in life and wonder what would have happened. Visions of a life that could have been haunted me.

My eyes wandered back towards the horizon. Those children probably dreamed of growing up, getting jobs, falling in love, getting married one day. But those dreams were for naught. In a couple days, their world would cease to exist, and those dreams would never reach fruition. They would die, just like my sister.

How many times had I wondered over the centuries what it would have been like to see her walk down the aisle? To see her face when she announced that she was expecting a child? To hold her newborn baby in my arms as she looked at me with a weary smile? What I wouldn't have given to hold her in my arms one last time, to stroke her hair and tell her how much she meant to me, how much I loved her. To see her smile and laugh again, to hear her voice once more. Even those memories seemed to have faded away like smoke.

"It is time." His voice echoes across the empty landscape, ringing with power and sovereignty. Hearing him now, rather than in my sleep, it fills me with doubt. Do I really want to do this?

He doesn't give me the luxury of a choice. White light like fire surges through my veins. Pain rakes my body, and I open my mouth to scream. Stabbing pain hits my chest, knocking the wind out of my lungs. My eyes are held open as I'm forced to watch the next part of my rebirth.

Fingers of light rip through my soul, tearing me apart, forcing human emotion out and leaving me with only emptiness. Memories lose their luster. Loved ones and friends become only faces. Tears roll down my cheek, but I have no idea why I'm crying.

The fingers reach deeper into my heart of hearts, ensnaring that which is precious to me. I double over as they begin to sever the connections holding us together. I scream, praying for relief, but they only pull harder. The connections are strong; in order to break them, they have to kill a part of me.

Through tear filled eyes, I watch as the fingers slowly leave my body, dragging with them that which I can't live without. She looks at me with tears in her own eyes, a certain peace on her face. My heart cries out as it realizes the void that is now taking her place.

"No!" I shout, grabbing hold of her hand. "I won't do it! You can't take her from me!" I look at her, my heart aching as it never has before. The tendrils of light pull her further from me, causing some of the chains binding her to me to snap. I cry out in agony.

"Please," I whisper to her, my eyes pleading as I look upon her face. "Please don't leave me."

She closes her eyes, allowing tears to run down her face. "Claire, I…"

"I need you, Serah. I love you. Please, I can't do this."

"Yes, you can. I know my sister, and she can do anything she sets her mind to." I feel her squeeze my hand. "And I love you too." She smiles weakly, but I can tell that it's more for show. "I'll see you soon, okay." She releases her grip.

"Serah, please!"

With frightening strength, the light pulls her away from me, severing every tie she has to my heart. I scream as emptiness swallows me, engulfing me in its cruel reality.

Chest aching beyond any natural means, I manage to get to my hands and knees. My lungs struggle to take in air as this new sensation inside of me has completely altered my body. I raise my eyes, the dawn's light nearly blinding me as it paints the sky with pinks, golds, and purples. Struggling, I grab my sword and drive it into the ground, using it as support as I rise to my feet. Trembling, I take in my new reality.

This emptiness inside me, this new power, this goal-this is my life now. Complete my task, and then I will be made whole once more.

Whole; the way things were before. Before a young girl had the world pulled out from underneath her, when the world stopped making sense and took someone she loved very much. Before she made herself strong by growing up too fast, and hardened herself against the world and its attacks by retreating deep within herself. Before she became dead to the world and lost to the pain she continued to deny in order to stay strong. Before she watched as friends and family left her because she became unapproachable. Before Death's sweet cry echoed in her ears and threatened to take her. Before the pain, suffering, and loneliness, and back to a place called normal.

I have thirteen days: thirteen days until the end; thirteen days to save humanity. I'm more powerful than I ever was, but it came with a price. I'm not even sure if I'm human anymore.

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**Dedicated to Katie**


End file.
